Never judge a book by its cover.

When you meet someone, be kind. You have no idea how hard they fought to be in your presence.

I was born feeling it all. I didn’t like to be held because I could feel someone was sad or in a bad mood. I never understood why I would come home from school and my whole body would be vibrating from absorbing energy around me. I couldn’t sit still, get comfortable or find ways to communicate my reality. I sensed everything. I had a fear of abandonment and around the age of 5, I remember seeing a dead mouse in a trap and not being able to separate myself from the experience. My first thought was you can just be little, be somewhere by mistake and lose your life because of it. It terrified me that I was alone in my experience of deep sadness. Everything seemed harsh to me. I sensed energy and being in large groups of people was overwhelming. I disliked competition and had asthma, so breathing was difficult. The only time I felt peace was when I was creating, in nature or alone.

The more overwhelming life became, the more I started numbing my feelings and isolating myself. I had a knee injury at the beginning of middle school and became depressed and gained weight. From a very young age, I tried really hard to change my appearance. Not because I cared that much, I considered insects beautiful. I just wanted to feel understood, be comfortable and belong. 

I went from being a bright-eyed little free spirit with big dreams to being made fun of for being ugly, tall and awkward and then, when I finally lost weight in an unhealthy way, I was told that I was so beautiful. People made assumptions that I was always that way and never really tried to get to know me on a deeper level. 

By the time I went out on my own, I felt so disconnected and uncomfortable because my body was never a safe place. I didn’t learn to set boundaries and I had a belief that I was to be seen, not heard, so I was silent and preferred not to stand out for fear of rejection or ridicule. I was sexually harassed, drugged, and taken advantage of in my late adolescence. My body always seemed to be my only attribute, even though there was so much more under the surface that I wanted to share, but connecting with people was terrifying for me. I found ways to get by and had many friendships, but I could never really deeply express myself or feel safe. My fear became so intense that I would have no choice but to shut down and isolate myself. 

When I became a mother, everything changed. I had no choice but to help myself. How could I be a role model for children when I felt so disconnected? I surrendered, prayed and went into a deep healing and awakening process. By reconnecting with my intuition, I was able to understand what was happening and realize that I had been awakening to my inner guidance since childhood, it was a gift. I fought my battles alone in silence without tools, support or guidance, so I could tell a story of the medicine that is available by going within and reconnecting with nature.

Now at 42, I can finally recognize that I am not the opinions of others, and I am able to feel when something isn’t right and trust my intuition and body. I am healthy enough to know that I have always been beautiful and that I have so much more to offer than my physical appearance. I am proud of the strong, sensitive and compassionate human I am today. 

I am not here to say I know the way. My hope is to help others feel less alone and know that it is never too late to take your power back. What happened to you does not define your life.

I have a passion to share what I have learned with others, because how can we heal the Earth and be an example of peace when we are fighting ourselves? 

I can now see and define my worth, I found my voice and I finally feel safe enough to trust that I have the courage to connect with others by sharing my truth. Healing happens in relationships, not isolation. 

Be kind, we’re all learning as we go.